so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
