your thong is hanging out like whoa
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
