You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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