I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
