seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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