i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
