I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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