nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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