Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
