Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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