Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
