i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
