omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
