I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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