She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The best revenge is premature balding
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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