There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
