she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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