tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
