The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
