Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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