Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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