she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My life is pants optional.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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