she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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