oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
