dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it's like iHOP with fire
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
