Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
