I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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