would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
