My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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