If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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