I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Randomize
