marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I could fuck to npr.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
