I hate all girls vehemently.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
