Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
