I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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