who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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