Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
