It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
