I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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