Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
