Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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