Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize