My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
