so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
