Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
