I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
His hands were made for my vagina.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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