He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
