Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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