Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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