OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
