i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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