im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
