so let's talk penis.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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