Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
