Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
