I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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