My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
In America we eat man semen.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
