He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
