True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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