They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
