how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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