Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
