nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
