...so i touched it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
