get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize