i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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