Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
