If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize